You may be surprised to find that we’re not all perfect. Hard to believe I know, but it’s true. Throughout this blog you will find many defects. Typos, grammatical errors, glaring character flaws…every day things like that. As I write about these flaws you may find that the scales tip often to my husband’s side. You should know as you read these that I am vastly aware of my own flaws, and continually learning about new ones. You will surely hear about my own in due time. Just not tonight.
I say this to preempt the story I am about to share. I will tell this story, and many others, because a) while my husband was alive he courageously allowed me to share our story with others in the hopes that his/our life journey may in some mysterious way benefit others, b) because I am a big fan of learning from others experiences, and if there are others out there anything like me then c) maybe some of this really will mysteriously be of service to others. If not, the thought that it could be is at least of service to me. Selfish of me I know. Character flaw #1, exposed.
I am not intimidated by stigmas so get ready because throughout these blogs I will touch on a number of them. Tonight: Addictions.
Today is my birthday. I can’t help but remember where I was a year ago today. In fact it has been on my mind all week. December 3rd, 2010 does not stand out to me just because it was my birthday and we happened to be in Cuba. It stands out to me because the image my day ended with is the one I recall any time I think about my husband’s dying moments.
Before we even left for Cuba we had made some pretty poor choices. Mistake #1: We booked an all inclusive. Mistake #2: I believed that because I could be moderate when I needed to be, others were capable of the same. Mistake #3: When my husband who used to be an addict asked me if I would be okay with him having a few drinks on our vacation, I agreed.
We left for Cuba on November 27th. By December 3rd, our last full day of vacation, my husband had spent many hours each day at the “pool”. The pool just happened to be attached to the bar.
By that afternoon my daughter and I were on our own.
When it was time to put our daughter to bed we found my husband passed out on the bed in our hotel room. He had been drinking all afternoon.
I had heard my husband stop breathing in his sleep before, and after he was diagnosed with sleep apnea he was diligent about wearing his sleeping mask…unless he had been drinking. That night in Cuba he had not put on his sleeping mask. He had been drinking which slowed down his breathing, and he passed out on his back which makes breathing more difficult.
I put his mask on and we all slept through the night.
I think about that night often because that night I was there to see he had no mask. I was there to put it on for him when he was unable. I got back to our hotel room before he had stopped breathing.
The night my husband died he was alone. He had been drinking and no one was around. No one was there to realize he had no breathing mask. No one was there to put it on when he was unable. That night he stopped breathing…and he died.
